The Grapefruit Syndrome...by L Walters
My husband and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.
It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.
As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more than fifty years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure the rest of my complaints were similar.
After I finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband’s handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”
Gasp.
I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face. I had found fault with him over such trivial things as the way he ate grapefruit, while he hadn’t even noticed any of my peculiar and no doubt annoying ways.
I wish I could say that this experience completely cured me of fault finding. It didn’t. But it did make me aware early in my marriage that husbands and wives need to keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in their habits and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit Syndrome.
... when my Mom posted this on our family website two days ago, it reminded me of what Julia and I heard on the radio a month or so ago. The topic was "Top 10 things that men do to bug women." One of them was about men quoting movies. Julia turned to me and said that this study is wrong. She loves it when movies are quoted (the Smith boys are PRO at this and always gets a good laugh out of my girls). In fact, Julia and Jenna are constantly quoting movies back and forth to each other. Not quite as pro as the Smith boys with voices, etc.
It made me think. Why didn't they do a study on top 10 things women love about their men. Why make a person come up with the negative. There is enough of that in this world.
What are your top 10 things about your man (or woman)?
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2 comments:
I LOVE that story. I read it in one my first talks after being married. It gives such perspective. I LOVE how funny my man is. He is a good example to my boys.
i do remember that story too. it's a great reminder. some of my top 8 things: he doesn't let the little things bother him. quick to forgive AND forget. loves to get down and play with the kids. works hard...REALLY HARD. he is really good at not jumping to conclusions and judging others. he spoils those he loves. he's thoughtful. he loves to surprise people with gifts.
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